Thursday, November 5, 2009

My place in this world

I am a SAHM.  That's "stay-at-home-mom" for you workin' folks out there.  Oops, there I go insinuating that I don't "work."  I work my tail off - laundry, dishes, cleaning, and most importantly, raising the the only two people for whom (who?) I would jump into a vat of hot lava.  Even though they don't look like me in the slightest (stupid dominant husband genes), R and M hold my heart in their little hands.  [insert more cliches about how much I love them]

Although my love for them is unconditional, there are times I look around my slightly really dirty house and think, "Is this it?"  Nothing ever really gets done.  I wash the clothes, I fold the clothes, I put the clothes away, and then POOF - there are more dirty clothes.  I load the dishwasher, I run the dishwasher, I empty the dishwasher.  I load the dishwasher, I run the dishwasher, I....oh, enough already.  You get it.  And then, when I'm feeling kind of down about the boringness of it all, I feel guilty, cause you know - I get to stay home.  I get to watch these two little persons grow and change and learn, and I get to play a part in that.  But still, I wonder if I'm "living my best life?" (Thanks, Oprah, for that - I don't like you most of the time, but every once in a while you come up with something good.)  This forlorn feeling only heightens on those days when I'm playing referee, or dealing with the crying, screaming, temper tantrums, not listening, and general misbehaving.

Lately I've been in a real funk, questioning what the heck my purpose is in this crazy life.

This past Sunday, like many Sundays, I went to church.  Pastor Bob's sermon was called A Life Worth Living. [insert Twilight Zone music] Can I tell you how many times there's something weighing on my heart, and then I go to church and the sermon is about EXACTLY what's been bugging me?  Scary, but comforting.

What I learned from PB's sermon (actually I already knew it, I just needed to be reminded) was that God has placed me right where I am for a purpose.  For His purpose.  This is no accident.  Understanding and accepting this brings much peace to my heart.  So when my life feels terribly mundane or I wonder how I fit into all of this, I will remember these words:

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

Ain't that the truth.

1 comment:

Allison said...

This is so true. Just when you are wondering "what I am doing" or "why am I here" He intervenes and reaffirms what we already know. Amazing!